Did You See That?

This poem is in honour of a dear son and friend, Lou Robson. If suicide is ever a thought, you are likely to forget that you are very much a part of a great community that will know and miss many small and amazing details about you that you are never meant to understand: because that is what you give to the world around you. Know that when you reach out to someone, It is important to remember that you neither put your darkness on them, nor do you take their light. When you reach out, you and whoever you reach out to are sharing both.

 

Unbelievable was one of the only lines you didn’t have in Rhinoceros in 5th year at Rosedale      
Unbelievable that you’re never gonna take your shot at the role of Jean because it was              
Unbelievable how talented you were, you were an                                                                          
Unbelievable bass player                                                                                                                    
Unbelievable mover                                                                                                                            
Unbelievable yet so believable an actor

Unbelievable how contagious your enthusiasm for work was when you were excited about it  
Unbelievable how you ever had the audacity to tell me I take my roles too seriously even once  
Unbelievable how you helped me pick the right monologue for my Humber audition                    
Unbelievable how we both looked at each other during a workshop in Rhino and said “Fuck this” let’s sneak out and run our lines for Act 3 until we’re sick of it and when that happens, keep running them

Unbelievable how you remembered all the lines about a year later
Unbelievable I got to work 4 different plays with you
Unbelievable how surprisingly solid you were, you tiny bastard                                                      
Unbelievable that you never liked the idea of being an unlikely hero                                            
Unbelievable when you got everyone in RTC to pitch for a guitar for Mr. C when he ran Rosedale’s Theatre Company

Unbelievable how many times you made others feel so talented and special                                
Unbelievable that we will never again see that quick head nod you always did to greet us as if to throw on your best smile and say “Hey buddy”

Unbelievable how many times I’ve cried like a baby to you at cast parties drunk on whiskey and loaded with the strangest sense of doubt and pride like a tired war fighter that wants to go home with his brothers

Unbelievable you ever lost your father 20 years before any man your age should even be thinking about it  
Unbelievable how much we saw you cared just seeing how hard it hit you                                    
Unbelievable how brave you were to fight your darkness the way you did                                    
Unbelievable you seriously never understood what an unlikely hero you were                              
Unbelievable how even in all your darkness you managed to share so much light and warmth like it was nothing more than lending out a free hug or a glowing cigarette

Unbelievable that when everyone had one ensemble, you had three who are all devastated that none of them get to work with you again

Unbelievable how many people would do anything to have caught you at your lowest and raise you like a fallen angel out of hell                                                                                                      
Unbelievable how heavy the guilt is when I think of ever having the nerve to ask for your help    
Unbelievable that every time I read the last thing you ever wrote to me when I did, your words absolve every last bit of shame

Unbelievable that you never saw what power your light had when you would happily lend it to anyone who needed it
Unbelievable how that glow was put out like a candle – our eyes can only adjust to the dark as the warmth leaves our fingers

Unbelievable how every time you ghosted, I swore I would smack you upside your head when I next saw you
Unbelievable how anyone who thought of doing the same thing was probably also just too damn happy to see you

Unbelievable how stupid you were to think for a second this world would be better off without you

Unbelievable how happy Wayne must be to see you, surrounded by all the comics and scripts you could ever want and jamming with all the coolest rock-stars you never thought you’d meet

Unbelievable we lost you, Lou Robson Because you truly were Unbelievable

 

Ryan Abedi is a 25 year old voice actor living and working in Toronto. 

Sophie Nation